Inevitable
by Yellow Crayon
Summary: When it happens, Ralph is not surprised. It's inevitable and who is Ralph to question fate? - Years after the rescue, Ralph still hasn't let go. Ralph's POV.


**Title: **Inevitable**  
Author: **Me. I'm Laura. **  
Summary: **When it happens, Ralph is not surprised. It's inevitable and who is Ralph to question fate?

**Rating: **PG-13, I guess. Just in case.  
**Notes: **After reading the words 'indefinable connection' over and over again, it had to be written. Besides, there's no way Ralph and Jack could ever _not_ meet each other again after the book.

**Finished:** 18-01-2009

I.

Ralph does not speak to any of the other children on the boat. He shuts himself off during the two weeks it takes them to return to England and tries his best not to hear Samneric's apologies, Percy's questions and Jack's voice. He leaves the boat after thanking the captain one final time but then, as he whirls around to stare at the ship just once more he pushes Maurice out of his way and walks back to put his arms around the surprised man's waist. He knows everyone must be thinking that he's the batty one now but Ralph has never been so grateful to anyone because without this man he would not be alive.

In the years that follow, Ralph sees a therapist. Her name is Miranda Louise Thomason and she asks him question after question. Ralph does not speak one word about what happened to either Piggy (whose real name he now knows but in his head, Piggy has never stopped being Piggy) or Simon (whose parents had hugged _Jack_ in tears after they found out that their son was no longer a part of this world), nor does he tell her what almost happened to him the day they got rescued.

He gets two letters, both in the same month (February, one year, seven months and twelve days after the rescue). His mother hands him the first one on the sixth. On the back it reads Eric and Sam Jones and Ralph wonders if they did that on purpose; if they're trying to avoid the possibility that anyone will think of them as Samneric again. He stares at it for three hours and then he tosses it away unread. The second one arrives on the fifteenth and there is no return address written on the back of the white envelop. His name and address are written sloppily and he _knows_ it's from Jack. He tosses that into the bin as well but fishes it out again to burn it with his father's silver lighter and watches as the wind sweeps away the ashes.

He sees doctor Thomason for two years, three months and five weeks and when the sessions stop, he still has nightmares and has to sleep with the lights on. He doesn't tell his parents this though and pretends that he's _happy_ now because that makes his parents happy. Ralph figures it's only better this way. He doesn't see any reason for them to all be unhappy.

He graduates with good marks and gets accepted to both Cambridge and Oxford (he picks the latter) and on the day he graduates he realises that this could be the new beginning he's been waiting for. Ralph decides that he's going to try to forget about the island and start all over as though he really is _just_ an eighteen year old boy.

II.

He drops his mother off to church two days after that decision and as she walks away from him, he suddenly sees a group of boys with very familiar cloaks and caps. They must be around fourteen years old, Ralph thinks as his throat tightens and one of them has red hair and for one moment he's back at the island and he's waiting with the conch in his hands and there they come, a group of boys dressed identically moving in perfect sync.

He knows that the boys he's looking at are not the choir he has known- knows that's not Jack- but his heart does not settle down until he's home again, locked up in his bedroom and Jack's face, painted and twisted, brought back up from the pits of his brains where he had been hidden before is sneering at him every time he closes his eyes.

Exactly one week later, he goes to a party with people who, he supposes, are his friends. Ralph smiles and drinks and a girl who he went to school with flirts with him. They kiss and it feels nice and several hours later, her hand is still clasped in his as they sit on the stained couch. He stares at nothing in particular as Lisa (or Linda) is chatting with a brunette he doesn't find very attractive. Lisa is prettier, he thinks, and maybe-

"-Merridew."

There must be a thousand other Merridews, he thinks, panicked. It doesn't have to be Jack- it _can't_ be Jack. He leans forward and asks the brunette whom she's talking about- can it be Richard Merridew? She shakes her head and tells him that her boyfriends name is _Simon Merridew. _He feels a tiny bit of relief before bile starts to raise in his throat- those two names spoken in one breath! Ralph excuses himself. He goes to a filthy bathroom, throws up and then he leaves the party without telling anyone.

Three days pass and then Linda calls him. He flushes red as he remembers what he'd done and apologises profusely, telling her it wasn't her _at all_. She tells him it's all right and at the end of their twenty minute conversation, he does what is expected of him and asks her out.

They sit in a near empty movie theatre days later. It's been fourteen days since he saw the choir boys and seven since he heard Simon and Jack's names blended together. The movie is about some female whose in love with a lord and Linda enjoys it. She laughs and smiles and Ralph think she looks pretty like that- she should laugh more often. He tells her so and when the movie is finished, she kisses him deeply and he kisses her back.

He brings her home and walks her to her front door. They kiss again and Ralph opens his mouth to tell her he'll call her and that he had a great time when he smells it. A nearby family is barbequing and he's back again- at the island with _hunters_ chasing him and the knowledge that he's going to _die_. He says it all very quickly- _lovelytime, willcallyou- _and leaves. He's certain he can still hear the fire roaring in his ears as he drives off.

As he makes his way back home, Ralph presses the gas pedal down harder and harder. The road he's using is empty bar him and he knows that this is his chance- if he wants to, he can take the steering wheel and he can chose to die, to meet up with Simon and Piggy and leave all this- memories of the island, the fire, the despair, the _blood- _behind. He wants to, really _wants_ to, but he doesn't. Instead, he pulls over and wishes he could get rid of memories long forgotten that suddenly seem to appear from the most faraway corners of his mind. They don't and Ralph cries until he's sure there are no more tears left to spill.

III.

When it happens, Ralph is not surprised. It's inevitable and who is Ralph to question fate?

He turns around, away from his parents who are going to the tailor for a new dress for his mum, and starts walking in the direction of Barnes & Nobles. London is crowded, much more crowded than Ashford and he doesn't pay attention to the happenings around him. He bumps into someone and kneels down to help the young girl collect her bags. She smiles at him and thanks him before she gets up and is off again. He makes to stand up as well and then it happens.

"Still haven't changed a bit, huh."

That _voice_- Ralph looks up and finds him towering over him. He doesn't know if he's done it on purpose or not (but knowing him, he did) but the sun is in Jack's back and even when he squints, Ralph cannot make out anything more than red hair and long limbs.

Jack doesn't offer him his hand (they're both shoved into his pockets) and Ralph finally gets up.

"Neither have you."

They don't say anything then and for a long moment they just stare at each other. Jack hasn't changed all that much. He's older, his hair is darker and his freckles faded but the face Ralph sees is still very much the face he has nightmares about.

"Did you get my letter?"

"I have," Ralph says as they start walking. They both stare straight ahead and Ralph makes sure he doesn't walk so close as that he can touch Jack or Jack him, may it be coincidentally or on purpose.

"Did you read it?"

"No."

"I reckoned you wouldn't," Jack says.

_Then why send it_, Ralph wants to ask. They pass one, two corners in silence. It's comfortable and awkward at the same time and he wonders if he should tell Jack they have just passed Barnes & Nobles where he needs to pick up a gift for his uncle Richard. He doesn't open his mouth and they round another corner. Ralph has no idea where they are.

"Thought you lived in Bermondsey."

Jack whips his head around and looks surprised. He obviously can't remember telling him or maybe, he just can't imagine Ralph remembering that little fact.

"I did- I do. Needed school supplies- college and all."

Ralph supposes he should ask Jack where he's going to college. He doesn't because he thinks that he already knows.

"Me too."

Jack doesn't ask either and Ralph thinks that Jack knows too.

They keep walking and Ralph hopes that Jack knows where they are and how to get back to where they had started. He opens his mouth to ask but then Jack stops and Ralph does too. They face each other and Ralph waits.

"I'm not sorry."

"You should be," Ralph says. He has thought about it a lot and he had always thought that Jack really should be. Now he isn't so certain anymore. He has to say it anyways because he's Ralph and this is Jack and he's never met someone so infuriating.

Jack's eyes flash and Ralph waits for what he knows is coming.

"You're a bloody hypocrite," Jack starts. "You were there- that night when the beast came crawling-"

"That was Simon," Ralph interjects. He tries his best to keep his voice as flat as possible unlike Jack, who sounds so very angry all of a sudden. "And I didn't off Piggy."

"Piggy," Jack scoffs and Ralph wants to hit him. "Roger killed your precious Piggy."

"Under whose command?" Ralph counters. He takes a deep breath before continuing. "You tried killing _me._"

Jack doesn't reply, not even to defend himself and Ralph stays quiet too. They're both just standing there, on the narrow sidewalk with people moving past them. He doesn't know what to say- he doesn't even know what he wants Jack to say.

In the end, after they just _stare_ at each other for what seems like _hours_ Ralph tells Jack he needs to go. Jack won't apologize and Ralph has already accepted that a very long time ago. He just hasn't realised it until now. Jack doesn't think he hasn't done wrong; he's capable of blaming the island and the beast and the situation and everything _but _himself.

Ralph realises that all this time, he has been blaming Jack for what has happened while Jack has _moved_ on. He realises that maybe Jack is right- maybe it isn't all Jack's fault. They were stranded on an island and they were only small boys. It may be nobody's fault.

"I should go too," Jack says.

"All right," Ralph replies. Jack nods and then it's just Ralph again.

It may be nobody's fault, Ralph thinks again. He feels lighter- a headache he wasn't even aware of until now has cleared. Already he has spent years feeling guilty and blaming others but there were other factors as well.

He starts walking in the direction he has come from and for the first time in years he feels the warmth of the sun.

Jack has moved on and maybe it's time that Ralph does too.


End file.
